Give Me Pity! (2022)

Directed by Amanda Kramer

Featuring Sophie von Haselberg, Cricket Arrison, M. Diesel, Annie Kyle and
Shelley Long

Sissy St Claire is an actress obsessed with ‘making it’, and it seems like she has when she stars in her first live television special. But things quickly start to turn strange – the oversaturated colours on the TV screen warp and glitch, and a sinister masked figure appears in the wings. Sissy’s song and dance numbers and skits start to go awry, going downhill starting with a fortune teller in a skit telling Sissy not to touch them, since Sissy has a ‘demonic presence’. From here on the live special starts to spiral into a bizarre, sparkly nightmare.

This movie is impressively odd, being both a pastiche of 1970s and 80s television specials and a horror movie where the horror seems to mostly spring from the mind of the main character. It is a lot like watching a nervous breakdown play out on retro TV, with Sissy’s initially gushingly positive confessional speeches frequently veering off course to reveal bitterness, insecurity and even rage beneath. The whole thing has an increasingly unhinged feel to it, but in spite of this Sissy’s existential angst brings up some real questions about the role of women in society, beauty standards and the nature of stardom.

Worth watching? Yes – compellingly strange, this would make for great for 3am viewing. Having said that, I watched it during the day and can’t get it out of my head: it was deeply odd, and an interesting, unconventional horror film.

Truth in advertising? The title is pretty fitting: 5/5.

Phantom of the Paradise (1974)

Directed by Brian De Palma

Featuring William Finley, Paul Williams, Jessica Harper and Gerrit Graham

In this extravagant rock musical/horror/comedy version of Phantom of the Opera, naive composer Winslow Leach tries to catch the eye of record producer Swan. Winslow wants Swan’s help in getting his rock cantata version of ‘Faust’ recognised by the world. He does manage to catch the producer’s eye, but tiny, evil Swan steals Winslow’s score. Swan ignores Winslow’s pleas, and after he sneaks into Swan’s home disguised as a female groupie (!) Swan has him framed for drug dealing and thrown into jail. There, to add to the indignity, Winslow’s teeth are stolen from him via the Sing Sing dental research program and replaced with a pair of hideous metal dentures.

Winslow is driven to madness when he realises that his cantata has been given to one of Swan’s pop groups to perform, and escapes from jail. Before he can retrieve his music, his face is horribly mutilated in a record press accident. Presumed dead after this incident, he heads to Swan’s new music venue, the Paradise, dons a leather suit and bird-like mask (a look which I suspect may have influenced Marilyn Manson at some points of his career) and tries to get his revenge as Phantom of the Paradise.

Although destroyed by Swan, Winslow ends up selling himself to Swan for a second chance at his cantata – not realising that Swan in turn has made a bargain with the devil. Winslow will only allow his songs to be performed by the pure and idealistic singer Phoenix, but Swan secretly swaps her out for ridiculous glam rock nelly/macho man Beef. Stealing the score a second time, Swan, like a cartoon villain, has Winslow bricked into his hiding place within the Paradise. But Winslow busts out to exact his revenge – and to rescue Phoenix from Swan’s clutches.

Before watching this film, I was uncertain of what to expect. Not being a fan of musicals, I was ready to be annoyed. But overall I loved it. The songs were mostly actually pretty good, to my surprise, and definitely did not detract from my enjoyment of the film. The film is shot in a stylised manner, verging on cartoonish at times – it never lets you forget that you are watching a movie. Similarly, the film is set in a slightly surreal and disorienting world, full of absurdly low doorways and other weird touches. Overall I found it to be an engaging and interesting mix of genres and a keen music industry satire. And keep an eye out for Beef: his over the top character was a highlight for me.

Worth watching? Yes, especially if you enjoy things like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Although this film has more serious moments, the two share enough similarities to likely have a shared appeal.

Truth in advertising? Pretty accurate: 5/5.

Bees in Paradise (1944)

As the film opens, we are introduced to Paradise Island – an island with a government ‘of the women, by the women, for the women’. Not the kind of statement that would fill me with hope, coming from a film of this era. Expecting a film full of mockery regarding the unsuitability of wimmin-folk to run a country, I was pleasantly surprised at the inoffensiveness of what followed.

Seconds later, we are treated to a snappy musical number by the stripe-loving female inhabitants of the island as they go about their daily work – including the stereotypically ‘manly’ work of building and the like. I began to think that this was a science fiction film about an all-female civilisation of bee-women, but this impression was quickly dispelled on both counts: dismay is shown after the announcement of the birth of a male child on the island, and we soon learn that there are males on the island. However, they are more or less prisoner ‘drones’, and are not seen at all in the film. These men can marry and mate – however if they do, they are expected (by law) to kill themselves two months later. How and why the island has come to be like this, and why the male inhabitants put up with it so quietly, is something that is never really explained…

The main plot of the movie begins when four airmen (one being comedian Arthur Askey) crash on the island. One accidentally betrothes himself to one of the local inhabitants, and must figure a way out of this lethal situation.

All in all, this British musical comedy is a jaunty but ultimately forgettable affair. The jokes are frequent but mostly pretty groan-worthy. The song and dance numbers are pleasant enough, but nothing to write home about. Even the stranger elements of the plot and the naive gender politics are not really enough to make this film particularly memorable. However, if you are in the mood for old-fashioned silliness, you could probably do a lot worse.

Worth watching? It wouldn’t hurt, if you like cheesy jokes and 1940s style singing. But you probably won’t remember it a week later.

Truth in advertising? Well, the island is called Paradise Island, and the women are somewhat bee-like. So… I’ll give it a 3/5.